Should Have Known
by Tiva4evaxxx
Summary: They have Red John, finally, after all this time - but Lisbon makes a drastic decision. Knowing it will hurt herself and Jane in the process. Jisbon. One shot.


**A one shot!!! YAY!!! I blame it's depressing nature on the fact i go back to school tomorrow. :P I hope you like it, despite its sadness :( For the record, i REALLY don't want this to happen. Lol. Dedicated to Hayley (OutCold), who is freaking out about her Modern Studies exam tomorrow. You'll do great, okay? :) Love you. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. *cries***

The tears that were trailing down her cheeks were bitter, full of regret and anger, but mostly self hatred. She should have known better. She should have stopped this before it even started, because she should have known it would end in this kind of pain. Yet, the thing she was about to do seemed right. Better – for the both of them. Maybe this pain was better than the other pain, not that she would ever know.

They had him. They finally had him – Red John. The buzz and anticipation in the air was undeniable. Today had been carefully planned, down to the very last detail, every little thing had been accounted for. Of course, things could still go wrong. Things can always go wrong. She had watched him, over the past few days. He had been distant with her, the hunger for revenge had returned to his eyes and she could barely look at him without making her heart ache for what she had lost. It would not be fair, it would never be fair to make him pick between her and Red John. That had been clear from the start. She had known when she fell into bed with him months ago that eventually, this was where they would end up. She had been naive to think it wouldn't hurt this much. But she would never make him chose. She could say it wouldn't be fair – and it wouldn't be. But she also dreaded the answer. Honestly, she didn't know. She didn't want to hear she wasn't wanted – she didn't need to hear it. She had always thought that maybe... just maybe catching Red John could be the beginning for them. She had been stupid. However, at the same time she had never imagined it would be the end. Quickly, she wiped away her tears before anybody could see. This was not a good time to be showing just how broken she was inside.

"You okay boss?" Van Pelt voices broke through her thought pattern.

"Yeah," she said turning to her with a nervous smile, "You ready to get him?"

"As ready as I think I'll get," the younger agent replied, a little shakily, but otherwise fine.

Lisbon smiled at her, "You be careful," she said quietly.

"I will be," Grace replied, "I'm just glad we've got him after all this time."

"We haven't got him yet," Lisbon reminded her warily, and Grace nodded, subtly leaving her boss to it again.

Jane was sat with Cho, discussing how they were going in. The glint in his eyes was stronger than ever. The thirst for revenge scared her, she could understand. But it scared her. Looking at him like this made her flinch, because he was a completely different person. He was a stranger. He wasn't the man who woke her up with a gentle kiss on the cheek every morning, or the man who found a way to sneak a single rose into her office when she was having a bad day. He wasn't the same man she'd fallen so hopelessly in love with, even though she had known when falling in love with him that this was all part of the package.

"Jane, a word," she called across to him, trying to keep it together. Not much longer now. She led him into her office, and shut the door behind them.

She didn't bother speaking, just bit back the tears welling up again in her eyes, and threw her arms round him, knotting her hands in his blonde curls, and kissing him like her life depended on it. When they broke apart, for a second the Jane she loved so dearly returned, she could see it in his eyes, just for a second, "I thought you wanted a word?" he asked, a small smile gracing his lips.

"Are you ready?" she asked quietly. And just as quickly as he had returned, he was gone again. And with it, the aching in her heart came back, and her longing for the impossible returned.

"Yes," he replied, "Are you?"

Again, she found herself unable to meet his gaze, knowing the hidden meaning behind it. Instead, she nodded, a poor substitute for all the words she couldn't quite bring herself to say.

"Then I guess it's time to go," he said softly. And suddenly she was alone again, stood in her office, wishing that it had never come to this.

Everyone was quiet, a strange kind of calm had settled over them, despite the tension in the air as they drew ever closer to their location.

She hung back, praying that she would be forgiven for this. Praying that none of her team would get hurt – that he wouldn't get hurt. There was so much going on there, so many people, so many agents... this was a huge operation. So many people meant it had been unbelievably easy for her to slip away.

Everything was already done, prepared. So as she drove away she was finally free. Finally free to feel. Unstopping, merciless tears blurred her vision as she drove away, far away from the source of her pain.

The hurt filled her, hundreds of emotions flooded through her. And god it hurt. The pain was agonising, she was shaking so hard... she could barely breathe. After a little while she had to pull over. She curled up in a ball in the driver's seat, uncontrollable sobs racking her body. Robbing her of the ability to think, to do anything other than feel the pain.

The one thing she could think about, was the look on his face when he frantically went through her office, and found a neatly folded piece of paper, that read:

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry for doing this, I'm sorry for hurting you. And I'm sorry for hurting myself. By the time you realize I'm missing, I will be long gone. Don't look for me. Don't think about me. I think it will be better for the both of us that way. _

_You have to understand – I love you. I love you so much it's hurting me. Which is why I'm doing this, it's why I have to leave. Because I love you, I always will love you, but it's hurting me. And it's hurting you. And I'm so tired, I just can't do it anymore. I will always treasure the past couple of years. You're the best and the worst thing that's ever happened to me, which is quite a feat really, you should be proud. I'm so sorry Patrick, but believe me when I say I truly think it's for the best. I'm going to miss you so much. I hope you found what you were looking for in catching Red John._

_You have my heart forever, because you have successfully made it impossible for me to love anyone but you. So I guess this is goodbye – I'm sorry I was too much of a coward to say it to your face, I was scared you would have persuaded me to stay. I was scared I would have let you._

_I love you._

_And I always will. _

_Teresa. _

She should have known, right from the beginning.

She should have known this would end in heart break.

**Reviews would be amazing..... *looks slightly hopeful* I'd say they might help me get through the week... but i have a feeling i might need more than that :P lol. Oh well, it's the mentalist on friday here :P that should keep me going... I hope you enjoyed it :)**

**Thanks for reading :)**

**Emily xxxxxx**


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